What can I do to feel intimacy toward my husband again?
March 26th, 2010 | by admin |
My husband is a good man. He helps around the house, he is good with my daughter, he does everything he can to make my life good. My problem is that he is gross. His breath smells, he works in a sewerage treatment plant so his body smells, he is greasy (leaves marks on his pillows and the bed right through the sheets), and he has long scraggly hair he refuses to cut. I didn’t know about these things before we were married because we had a long distnace relationship where we only saw each other 2 days per month. Lately he has been have impotency problems. I use this as part of my excuse not to have sex with him, but it’s mostly because he turns me off. I want to find some one who does excite me, but feel bad about doing that. I’ve tried to talk to him about my issues, but all he does is get mad and say “If you don’t want me anymore I’ll find someplace to go.” What can I do?
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- my husband doesn\t know I have left him for someone else
18 Responses to “What can I do to feel intimacy toward my husband again?”
By Anonymous on Mar 28, 2010 | Reply
Have an affair and then have guilty sex like more than 75% of married women do.
By Anonymous on Mar 29, 2010 | Reply
make youself dirtier
By Anonymous on Mar 31, 2010 | Reply
let him go. He smells and is impotent
By Anonymous on Apr 2, 2010 | Reply
let him go!!…you cant go on like this, its not healthy and unfair on you both!! good luck with this one
By Anonymous on Apr 3, 2010 | Reply
Ewwwwww. sorry but basic hygiene is a requirement. Do not look outside you marriage for fulfillment. Leave then find someone new.
By Anonymous on Apr 4, 2010 | Reply
Hmmmmmmm…..You really have a great problem,but I can see that you still love him,it just that there are things about him that turn you off,if he doesnt want to listen then you have to make an action,try not to say anything against him,just remind him that you love him no matter what,be more romantic and be the one to clean him up,but if those things wont work,prayer is the only key dear,,,well you might say I’m giving you a very hard suggestions but it just that marriage for me is very important,,,but its all up to you,,,
By Anonymous on Apr 4, 2010 | Reply
If he is not willing to compromise, then its not a lot you can do, you just cant like his grossness. Talk to him again, get him a make over, have rules about his work coming home with him. I hope you have this sorted.
By Anonymous on Apr 6, 2010 | Reply
Sounds like you want someone who he totally isn’t. If this is how he is, and you cant deal with it then you should leave. Its not fair to maintain a relationship with someone you feel disgust for. He may be able to find someone who doesn’t feel appalled by him, and you may be able to find someone who is better suited to you. Unless he finds another job and does a complete makeover on himself then you are never going to be happy, and really what are the chances that he’ll quit his job, and change everything about his appearance and life style that you don’t like? You should move on and give yourselves a chance to find who you are meant to be with.
xxx
By Anonymous on Apr 7, 2010 | Reply
Hi,
I am sorry to hear that but its not you who should do somthing but him. I can not suggest you anything as anything I say may have bad effects on your life
Hope he trys for a little bit of change
Bye
By Anonymous on Apr 9, 2010 | Reply
wow. tough one. He sounds like a good responsible man. But, intimacy is important in a marriage. I have always found that complimenting does a world of wonder more than complaining about someone. Make sure when he is cleaned up tell him how attractive he is. Remind him of times when you did date him in the long distance relationship when you thought of him as a turn on. But, like the last person said..you need to follow your heart..if it is not working out…move on.
By Anonymous on Apr 9, 2010 | Reply
He needs to take showers and brush his teeth. Altoids help with the breath. A good deodorant after a shower also help. I think you may want to let him know that he is not physically attractive to you under the present circumstances. It might wake him up. If he doesn’t wake up, you might want to separate before you begin an affair with someone else.
By Anonymous on Apr 9, 2010 | Reply
he is hardworking and indeed a good man
ur stressing him by asking him to cut his hair, girls love to keep long hair, if he ask u to cut urs, what would be ur feeling? put urself in his shoes and give him the understanding girl he need
his working in the sewage, may smell but after bathing would be in nice smell right? he helps out around the house so bed sheets he washed too right? since ur already married to him then u can help him bathe, make the house clean,neat and in nice aroma right?
dont leave everything to him to do, help him out
By Anonymous on Apr 13, 2010 | Reply
Do you believe that two person can be husband and wife is fate that brought them together? Just advise and talk to him in a tactful way to clean himself up thoroughly and that solve the body smell problem. About the impotency, sometimes men feel stress or due to age catching up problem, they have this kind of problem. Just encourage him to see a doctor and that can be solved too. Do not use this as an excuse not to have sex with him as he will feel inferior inside. That is why he said that if you don’t want him anymore, he will find some place to go. It is not easy to find such a good man nowadays. Think twice.
By Anonymous on Apr 16, 2010 | Reply
See if you can get him into a doctors office, He may be suffering from depression. Depression can have an effect on his personal hygiene or lack there of and also the impotency issue. I would simply make him a doctors appointment with his knowledge, however I would talk to the doctor regarding my concerns. And I would insist if he is going to get into the bed he must shower or bathe before entering. God bless****
By Anonymous on Apr 18, 2010 | Reply
Bad higiene is a bad deal. It is disrespectful to one’s partner. I have known men who worked very dirty jobs but still took care of themselves off the job. No excuse for this.
Try to talk him into going to some counseling. The counselor can probably approach the higiene issues better and he won’t be as defensive.
By Anonymous on Apr 21, 2010 | Reply
I am so reminded of my ex by your story. Don’t have sex with him until he cleans up his act. You need to realize he can give you a bacterial vaginal infection because he doesn’t wash his c*ck. Even his hands with nasty stuff under his nails can give you a infection if he puts his fingers in you. My ex wasn’t nearly as bad as yours but I gave him a choice, clean up or clear out! Well he did neither, so I left him just to get away from his smelly breath and body. Run! Preferably downwind.
By Anonymous on Apr 23, 2010 | Reply
The situation must have a deep impact on you.
We all hear the saying “When you love someone, you accept them for who they are.”
That’s true, but we are talking about hygiene here.
The only thing that can be done is for you to have a sincere conversation with him.
A lot of people find it hard to tell their partners that they have BO or whatever.
But it’s not like you are doing it for your own sake right?
You are doing it for the both of you, to save your marriage.
You want to be as comfortable with him as he is with you.
And if he says things like “You don’t love me” or “I’m leaving”, it’s actually the other way around.
If he truly loves you then he should “compromise” and make some changes so that both of you will be happy. This is very important. A lot of relationships and marriages failed because of lack of this.
By Anonymous on Apr 24, 2010 | Reply
you have a difficult problem, but if his hygiene is the only problem,first tell him directly he smells and to take a shower before he gets home. I used to work in a sewer plant and they have showers. Make sure you provide clean clothes and soap tooth brush before he leaves for work, trow in a towel.Put everything in a small gym bag with his lunch and a sweetheart note.If he comes home without showering and made no improvement find another place in the house to sleep.